Lament of a demi-romantic

• I only ever fall in love with my best friends, but they think our friendship is too important to risk.
• Interesting, smart, fun people turn into over-dependent, clingy, whiny, insecure octopussen when they get a crush. I call it the octopus stage. Other people apparently call it normal dating.
• We’ve seen each other literally 3 times and you think you’re more important than my friends and family whom I’ve known and loved for years? Really?
• And you think seeing me is more important than seeing your family and friends? WUT?
• Well I kind of like the idea of a relationship, but starting one is just so much effort… Urgh. Nevermind.
• Until, of course, you do fall in love and want nothing but.
• Your partner saying ‘I love you’ for the first time long before you can honestly say it back.
• Causing your partner ALL THE INSECURITY.
• Wondering if you have some unsolved unknown trauma meaning you can never fall in love and have a normal relationship and will be alone for ever and ever.
• Sex ≠ Love and Love ≠ Sex, thank you very much.
• Repeat after me: SEX ≠ LOVE and LOVE ≠ SEX
• OMG DON’T TEXT ME 5 TIMES A DAY FUCK OFF STAY AWAY WTF
• HOW CAN YOU BE IN LOVE WITH ME, YOU’VE ONLY TALKED TO ME A COUPLE OF TIMES, I HAVEN’T TOLD YOU ANYTHING ABOUT ME YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME!!! *so confused*
• HOLY FUCK WTF IS GOING ON YOU’RE CHOKING ME I NEED SOME SPACE PLEASE GIVE ME MORE SPACE I KNOW THAT HURTS YOU BUT I NEED TO GET AWAY NOW OMG RUN! RUN!!!!

That feeling when you get new jeans and you want to stand in front of its designers and go:

“You! Yes you! Look at these! See them? You know what they are? Curves! They’re curves that would keep these bloody jeans from falling right off my ass if you’d actually designed them to have waist! You know, like most women do?

They were horribly expensive but I’m now making pornographic noises at the first stawberries I’ve eaten this year.

Why ending discrimination is not enough

Say two people are playing monopoly. Person A and B, let's call them Al and Ben for now, are all set to play. Something isn't right though.

Al has gotten 1500 for starting money like you're supposed to, but Ben only has 200. It doesn't end there. In this version of monopoly, Al gets 200 whenever he passes go. Ben gets 50. Ben is also 6 times as likely to be sent to jail and pays twice as much for any property he might want.

Now take a moment to think what that might mean: Al travels over the board, buys properties like he's supposed to and sees money coming in. He's a good guy really, and so he doesn't even cheat. Things are going well for Al.

Ben's is a different story entirely. He buys his first property, same as Al, but where Al goes on to buy the next property he lands on, Ben finds he doesn't have enough money to buy. Not only that, but he ends op on Al's properties more than once, which means paying up. While Al goes around the board, Ben ends up in prison.

"Tough luck, man!" says Al, and keeps playing. 

After about half an hour, Ben is barely keeping away from bankruptcy, while Al is doing great. He doesn't want to brag, but he silently congratulates himself on his keen business sense.

"Okay, I'm done!" says Ben, exasperated. "This isn't fair! All the rules are stacked in your favour!"

Now Al isn't a bad guy, and he's doing pretty well anyway. After Ben lays it out for him, he agrees it probably isn't fair. "Alright, we'll even it out," he says. "From now on, you'll play by the same rules as me! Come on, let's keep playing!"

From that moment on, Ben also gets 200 passing go, and he pays the same for any properties as Al does. He doesn't go to prison that often anymore, either. 

And yet he keeps losing. Al has most of the properties. He has way more money than Ben does. Even though they now play by exactly by the same rules, Ben still can't keep up.

Obviously, when Al eventually wins the game, Ben complains that it's massively unfair. Al gets annoyed. He's not a bad guy after all. He played by the rules. He worked hard and earned everything he got. When the unfair rules were pointed out to him, he even changed them! He won fair and square! Annoyed, Al decides Ben must be a sour loser. He moves on.

Al's annoyance isn't all that weird. He did try very hard, and he did play by the rules. Saying he only won because the rules were stacked in his favour sounds awfully much like saying Al is a chearter and an asshole, when he's really not. He's just a bit short sighed when it comes to other people. That's no crime!

In the meanwhile, Ben can plainly see how things would've gone differently if he'd been playing by the same rules from the start. He's not saying he would've won, but at least he would've had a chance! And that arrogant bastard Al dares to act like he earned the victory...

An obvious solution would have been to start over. Give Al and Ben both a fair chance. But that would mean Al having to give up all of his property. Property he's worked hard for. From Al's perspective, that doesn't seem fair either!

The other solution? The other solution is to give Ben money and property until he owns exactly the same amount as Al does. But that property has to come form somewhere. Al already owns most of it and there's only so much money in the bank. Obviously, Al isn't too keen on that, either! Besides, that would be like giving Ben free stuff while Al gets nothing. Fair? Al thinks not.

For the most part, it's the Als of this world who are in power: They're the CEOs of big companies, rulers of countries and even if they're not, they know the people that are. To them, it feels absolutely fair that they have the position they do. Even if their parents have given them a head start, they clearly see the work they've put in to become what they are now. What's more, they don't just want to give up what they already have.

And that's where the problem is: Even if we eliminate discrimination entirely, all play by exactly the same rules (which we haven't, by the way) that doesn't mean we're done. We need to find a way, all together, to give everyone an equal chance at succes.

This morning I came to work and had no new email.

I spend half an hour trying to figure out what was wrong with the email server.

I am currently wearing leggings, my amazing comfy oversized sweater and the pink pettycoat I just got at a clothing exchange party. 

I totally feel like the most comfy badass fairy princess. 

What the fuckery on the train

Today I was taking the train on my way back from work, and I decided to enjoy an absolutely delicious bar of chocolate. My enjoyment didn’t last long.

As I take my first bite, the woman next to me sighs and clicks her tongue disapprovingly. Not thinking much of it, I take another bite. Another ‘Tsk’. I look at her sideways as I take my next bite. She clicks her tongue, pulls her face and rolls her eyes at me.

I look at the chocolate, so delicious a minute ago, and feel deeply ashamed. My first instinct is to put it away. Something in me rebels at that though and, recalcitrant as I am, I take another bite instead.

She tsks again, making her disapproval very known. This time I’m expecting it. It still hurts. I turn towards her and raise an eyebrow in question. She gives me a raised eyebrow in return, looks me up and down meaningfully and asks, in the most sickening sweet voice: “Enjoying your treat?”

I was flabbergasted. I was deeply ashamed. I was disgusted.

I looked her square in the face and took another bite, hummmed happily, and went back to my phone.

I ate the whole damn chocolate bar, even though I’d stopped enjoying it somewhere around that third bite. I honestly couldn’t think of anything else to do.

Now, an hour later, safely at home, I still can’t quite shake off the shame and disgust. Anger is trying to break through, but it’s not quite working. Why, woman on the train? Why the FUCK would you do something like that?