Lament of a demi-romantic

• I only ever fall in love with my best friends, but they think our friendship is too important to risk.
• Interesting, smart, fun people turn into over-dependent, clingy, whiny, insecure octopussen when they get a crush. I call it the octopus stage. Other people apparently call it normal dating.
• We’ve seen each other literally 3 times and you think you’re more important than my friends and family whom I’ve known and loved for years? Really?
• And you think seeing me is more important than seeing your family and friends? WUT?
• Well I kind of like the idea of a relationship, but starting one is just so much effort… Urgh. Nevermind.
• Until, of course, you do fall in love and want nothing but.
• Your partner saying ‘I love you’ for the first time long before you can honestly say it back.
• Causing your partner ALL THE INSECURITY.
• Wondering if you have some unsolved unknown trauma meaning you can never fall in love and have a normal relationship and will be alone for ever and ever.
• Sex ≠ Love and Love ≠ Sex, thank you very much.
• Repeat after me: SEX ≠ LOVE and LOVE ≠ SEX
• OMG DON’T TEXT ME 5 TIMES A DAY FUCK OFF STAY AWAY WTF
• HOW CAN YOU BE IN LOVE WITH ME, YOU’VE ONLY TALKED TO ME A COUPLE OF TIMES, I HAVEN’T TOLD YOU ANYTHING ABOUT ME YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME!!! *so confused*
• HOLY FUCK WTF IS GOING ON YOU’RE CHOKING ME I NEED SOME SPACE PLEASE GIVE ME MORE SPACE I KNOW THAT HURTS YOU BUT I NEED TO GET AWAY NOW OMG RUN! RUN!!!!

That feeling when you get new jeans and you want to stand in front of its designers and go:

“You! Yes you! Look at these! See them? You know what they are? Curves! They’re curves that would keep these bloody jeans from falling right off my ass if you’d actually designed them to have waist! You know, like most women do?