My dance community (or the facebook portion of it anyhow) is in upheaval. Why?
On festavals there are always a lot of unknown and new dancers and this makes it less easy to find a dance partner with more or less the dance style. Dit year however, it struck out to me how many women (like to) dance with each other while there are still enough men standing on the side of the dance floor. A lot of the time there were 5 or 6 lady couples in my immediate vicinity. They often pick out the best dancers of the lot. They "eat the cheese right off our bread"! (Dutch expression: They take what is rightfully mine) I was often left alone because a women was there right before me. Because they don't wait until they get invited. We're getting a new bunch of competitors. Honestly, I think this is not a good thing. What do you think of that?
My answer to this is a lot less gentle or nuanced than you're probably used to from me and I'll freely admit there was quite a bit of outraged involved when I first read the post. It's quite simple really.
Suck. It. Up.
Nobody is prohibited from dancing with anyone on account of anyone else. If you're a man and you don't want to dance with other men, that is completely up to you. While I will encourage people to dance as both follow and lead, simply because I think it makes them better dancers, I'd never tell them to dance with someone they feel uncomfortable dancing with. We're all there to have fun, right? I don't really understand as such, but hey, each their own. I have very little consideration for people whining about women dancing with other women because 'there are fewer follows left for them' however.
When looking for a dance partner you set a number of limits on who you want to dance with. If your limits are:
- I want to dance in only one role
- I want to dance only with partners of one gender
- I want to dance only with dancers on my level or better
- I want to dance only with people I already know
That's up to you. They are are your choice. Good for you for knowing what you want and no one should ever tell you otherwise. Everyone has their own limits and there is nothing wrong with that.
BUT
But setting your limits means you are limiting your pool of potential dance partners. In this case, limiting it by a LOT. And it definitely does not obligate those few people left in your pool of potential partners to dance with you.
That's up to you. They are are your choice. Good for you for knowing what you want and no one should ever tell you otherwise. Everyone has their own limits and there is nothing wrong with that.
BUT
But setting your limits means you are limiting your pool of potential dance partners. In this case, limiting it by a LOT. And it definitely does not obligate those few people left in your pool of potential partners to dance with you.
By setting fewer limits on the partners you're willing to dance with you get more potential dance-partners and thus have a smaller chance of getting left on the sidelines. By dropping any one of those limits, you will pretty much double your pool of potential partners.
And hey, sometimes I have days when I'm tired or feeling particularly introverted or just really not like leading or not like following. Those are days I will have my own limits. Those are also days I end up standing on the side more often than not. Other days, I have no such limits and can find a partner for every single dance (mostly on account of asking several people for the same dance, and asking beginning dancers of any gender and being willing to accommodate their preference for leading or following). It often turns out awesome, BUT it takes more energy and means that some dances are really, really crappy.
Those are my choices every time I enter the dance floor. I don't have to answer for them to anyone, and no one has to answer for theirs to me.
Mijn antwoord hierop is een hoop minder vriendelijk of genuanceerd dan je waarschijnlijk van mij zou verwachten. Het is echt heel simpel.
My answer to this is a lot less gentle or nuanced than you're probably used to from me and I'll freely admit there was quite a bit of outraged involved when I first read the post. It's quite simple really.
Suck. It. Up.
Nobody is prohibited from dancing with anyone on account of anyone else. If you're a man and you don't want to dance with other men, that is completely up to you. While I will encourage people to dance as both follow and lead, simply because I think it makes them better dancers, I'd never tell them to dance with someone they feel uncomfortable dancing with. We're all there to have fun, right? I don't really understand as such, but hey, each their own. I have very little consideration for people whining about women dancing with other women because 'there are fewer follows left for them' however.
When looking for a dance partner you set a number of limits on who you want to dance with. If your limits are:
- I want to dance in only one role
- I want to dance only with partners of one gender
- I want to dance only with dancers on my level or better
And hey, sometimes I have days when I'm tired or feeling particularly introverted or just really not like leading or not like following. Those are days I will have my own limits. Those are also days I end up standing on the side more often than not. Other days, I have no such limits and can find a partner for every single dance (mostly on account of asking several people for the same dance, and asking beginning dancers of any gender and being willing to accommodate their preference for leading or following). It often turns out awesome, BUT it takes more energy and means that some dances are really, really crappy.
Those are my choices every time I enter the dance floor. I don't have to answer for them to anyone, and no one has to answer for theirs to me.
Suck. It. Up.
Nobody is prohibited from dancing with anyone on account of anyone else. If you're a man and you don't want to dance with other men, that is completely up to you. While I will encourage people to dance as both follow and lead, simply because I think it makes them better dancers, I'd never tell them to dance with someone they feel uncomfortable dancing with. We're all there to have fun, right? I don't really understand as such, but hey, each their own. I have very little consideration for people whining about women dancing with other women because 'there are fewer follows left for them' however.
When looking for a dance partner you set a number of limits on who you want to dance with. If your limits are:
- I want to dance in only one role
- I want to dance only with partners of one gender
- I want to dance only with dancers on my level or better
- I want to dance only with people I already know
That's up to you. They are are your choice. Good for you for knowing what you want and no one should ever tell you otherwise. Everyone has their own limits and there is nothing wrong with that.
BUT
But setting your limits means you are limiting your pool of potential dance partners. In this case, limiting it by a LOT. And it definitely does not obligate those few people left in your pool of potential partners to dance with you.
That's up to you. They are are your choice. Good for you for knowing what you want and no one should ever tell you otherwise. Everyone has their own limits and there is nothing wrong with that.
BUT
But setting your limits means you are limiting your pool of potential dance partners. In this case, limiting it by a LOT. And it definitely does not obligate those few people left in your pool of potential partners to dance with you.
By setting fewer limits on the partners you're willing to dance with you get more potential dance-partners and thus have a smaller chance of getting left on the sidelines. By dropping any one of those limits, you will pretty much double your pool of potential partners.
And hey, sometimes I have days when I'm tired or feeling particularly introverted or just really not like leading or not like following. Those are days I will have my own limits. Those are also days I end up standing on the side more often than not. Other days, I have no such limits and can find a partner for every single dance (mostly on account of asking several people for the same dance, and asking beginning dancers of any gender and being willing to accommodate their preference for leading or following). It often turns out awesome, BUT it takes more energy and means that some dances are really, really crappy.
Those are my choices every time I enter the dance floor. I don't have to answer for them to anyone, and no one has to answer for theirs to me.
